A History of Perfect Women and Crazy Women

Dr Jess discusses the way society has always forced women to be perfect, or risk being seen as hysterical

Throughout history, society has constructed two categories for women: the "perfect" woman, who conforms to societal expectations, and the "crazy" woman, who dares to challenge those norms.

The line between these two categories has always been drawn by patriarchal values, and psychiatry has often been used as a tool to enforce them.

In *Sexy But Psycho*, I explore how this dichotomy between the perfect woman and the crazy woman has shaped the way women are treated, both historically and in the present day.

For centuries, women have been forced to navigate impossible standards of behaviour, and those who don’t conform are pathologised, their distress framed as madness. It’s a pattern we still see today, with modern labels like "borderline personality disorder" replacing "hysteria" but serving the same purpose: to control women by pathologising their emotions and behaviours.

The "Perfect" Woman Ideal

The concept of the "perfect" woman is rooted in patriarchal expectations of what women should be. She is calm, submissive, nurturing, and above all, she doesn’t challenge the status quo. Historically, women were expected to be wives, mothers, and caretakers, and any deviation from this role was viewed as a failure or a sign of mental instability.

In Victorian times, the "angel in the house" was the epitome of the perfect woman. She was virtuous, passive, and existed only to serve the needs of her husband and children. But this ideal wasn’t just an expectation—it was a tool of control. Women who couldn’t or wouldn’t live up to this image were labelled as hysterical or insane, and many were committed to asylums for simply refusing to conform to the rigid gender roles of the time.

This obsession with the perfect woman persists today, though the expectations have evolved. Women are still expected to be nurturing, selfless, and emotionally stable, but now they’re also expected to be successful in their careers, physically attractive, and constantly agreeable. The pressure to achieve this impossible standard leads many women to be labelled with anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy - all emotional responses that are often dismissed or pathologised as evidence of personal and mental failure.

The "Crazy" Woman

On the other side of this dichotomy is the "crazy" woman - any woman who doesn’t fit into the mould of the perfect woman. Historically, women who spoke out, showed anger, or refused to submit to societal expectations were labelled as mad. These women were pathologised, silenced, and often institutionalised, their defiance seen as evidence of mental illness.

The diagnosis of hysteria, which was widely used in the 19th and early 20th centuries, is a prime example of how psychiatry has been used to control women. Hysteria was a catch-all diagnosis given to women who exhibited any behaviour that was deemed undesirable—whether it was anxiety, sexual desire, or simply a refusal to conform. The treatment for hysteria ranged from forced isolation to invasive medical procedures, all designed to bring the woman back into line with societal expectations.

Today, the labels have changed, but the underlying issue remains the same. Women who express anger, frustration, or emotional intensity are often labelled as "borderline" or "bipolar." These diagnoses are disproportionately applied to women, particularly those who are seen as difficult or non-conforming. Psychiatry continues to be a tool for labelling and controlling women who refuse to fit into the perfect woman ideal.

Pathologising Women’s Emotions

The pathologisation of women’s emotions is one of the most insidious ways in which the perfect/crazy dichotomy operates. Women are often taught to suppress their emotions in order to be seen as rational, stable, and likable. When we do express emotions—especially anger or sadness—it is often reframed as a symptom of mental illness rather than a natural human response to stress, trauma, or injustice.

In my work, I’ve seen countless examples of women who have been labelled as mentally ill simply for expressing anger or asserting their boundaries. This pattern reinforces the idea that women’s emotions are dangerous, irrational, and in need of control. It’s no coincidence that women are more likely to be diagnosed with mood and personality disorders, while men are often allowed to express anger or frustration without being pathologised.

This double standard keeps women in a cycle of self-suppression, where we are constantly monitoring our emotions and behaviours to avoid being labelled as "crazy." It’s a form of social control that has deep roots in history but continues to shape the way women are treated today.

Breaking the Cycle

To break free from this oppressive cycle, we need to challenge the idea that women must fit into these narrow categories of "perfect" or "crazy." Women’s emotional responses are valid, and they should be seen as such rather than being pathologised or dismissed. We need to move away from a system that labels and controls women’s behaviour and instead create one that supports, listens, and validates women’s experiences.

The history of perfect women and crazy women is a story of control—control over how women behave, what we feel, and how we are perceived by society. It’s a history we need to acknowledge and challenge if we are to create a future where women are free to express themselves without fear of being labelled, medicated, or punished.

Final thoughts

The historical division between the "perfect" woman and the "crazy" woman continues to affect how women are perceived and treated today. Psychiatry has long been a tool used to enforce these categories, pathologising women who don’t conform and silencing those who challenge the status quo.

By recognising this pattern, we can start to break the cycle and create a more supportive and understanding approach to women’s mental health - one that allows us to be ourselves without fear of being labelled as "crazy."

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