Fame Trauma Series: Lifelong loss of privacy and anonymity

Dr Jessica Taylor discusses the trauma of loss of privacy and anonymity for people in the public eye

The is the second article in the series ‘Fame Trauma’ by Dr Jessica Taylor

The second article in this series will discuss the lifelong loss of privacy and anonymity that celebrities and famous people are subjected to.

This loss of privacy is unlike anything that a general member of the public will ever experience.

It means the end of being unknown, the end of being a normal person just walking down the street to nip to the pharmacy, or to chat with your friends, or to push your kid on a swing.

Everything changes. Life becomes theatrics, and you don’t have any space to be yourself anymore because you’re constantly on show.

It means that you’re always on. Almost like you’re always live on air.

And so I want talk about how that becomes a chronic trauma and how distressing living like that can be.

For those of you reading this first article who have been in the public eye, either for several months or for several decades, you’ll know that there is no such thing as leaving your house and not having to worry that you look like shit, or remembering that you still have those old trainers on that you walk the dogs in.

There’s no such thing as doing something privately anymore, and that includes the intimate things that most people haven’t even considered could be an issue for you.

One of the first things that comes to mind, especially in terms of how traumatic it is to not own your own life anymore, and not to have any privacy left – is when you need confidential help.

Whether you have a health issue that you need to talk to your doctor about, you realise you need talking therapy, you visit your mother in hospital, you find you have contracted an STD, or you confront the reality that your marriage isn’t working anymore, there is an added layer of consideration and anxiety that will be dedicated to the concern that your personal life will be leaked and sold to the press, or suddenly pop up everywhere on social media.

And let’s be honest: there are likely to be many people who would sell you out for a couple of grand to tell a newspaper that you’ve gone to get therapy, that you’re drinking too much, your husband cheated on you, or you don’t think you’re coping anymore.

I think that we have to realise that that is not a normal way to exist or live healthily in the world. It is highly traumatic.

Everybody else has privacy that they take for granted, like doctor-patient confidentiality, or conversations with their therapists. Most people do not worry about whether their information is being protected when they access a service, when they log in online, or even when they are a customer at a shop. In fact, for most people, they will have never considered any of the things I am writing about in this article.

People who do not live in the public eye have not considered that the most basic private purchase could be reported upon, filmed, criticised, screen shot, shared, or noticed.

No more nipping discretely to the shop to pick up some condoms, or some canestan, or some super tampons for you.

For some globally famous people, it’s the end of nipping to the shop at all.

It is arguably a significant ongoing trauma to have to pre-plan and then protect yourself from others before doing the most basic tasks. This is made especially hard when people feel entitled to name you, tag you, photograph you, and share your whereabouts whenever they see you in public.

You don’t have a way of being a normal, invisible person walking down the street anymore, because you cannot turn back the clock. As you walk, you don’t know who knows you, you don’t know who has already spotted you, who is following you, who just wants to say hello to you, who will burst into tears when they see you, and who might be a threat to your life.

I think it’s fair to say that we really don’t realise the value of anonymity and privacy until it’s gone.

When you’re striving for achievement, fame or success, you don’t want to be ‘nameless’. You want to stand out. You want to be known. You want to be a ‘someone’. You want to get recognised. You don’t know what is coming.

But what happens when being known and being a ‘someone’ means that you can’t even ring a helpline without people realising who you are, where you live, or what you sound like?

And how does it feel to know that you can’t go into the petrol station, because people know who you are. Not just know who you are, of course – but they might hate you. They might be in love with you. They might want to film you. They might want to ask you questions. They might threaten you. They might congratulate you. They might tell you that you saved their life.

No matter how careful you are, people from all walks of life continue to ignore your personal boundaries. They come up to you when you’re with your children, they ask you for a selfie when you’re in a public toilet, and they stop you whilst you’re on the phone to your sister. They can become angry and resentful if you don’t want to engage with them, or if you try to pretend you haven’t seen them grinning at you.

What happens to your sense of psychological safety when you become a ‘someone’?

That is not a normal way to live for anybody, and you can understand how over a period of time, people living in the public eye struggle to cope with that level of obsession and fixation. Whilst little acknowledged, and often denied, the role of the general public, the media, and social media can essentially amount to harassment, stalking and abuse. But it’s 24/7. And there’s millions of them. And no one seems to have any issue with it.

This weird reality means that you can have your private life violated, be relentlessly harassed, and live in fear, and not only will people feel that you have nothing to complain about, but they will often assume that it’s part of the amazing experience of being successful and famous.

Another layer of complexity to this trauma, is the fact that when people in the public eye attempt to approach this subject, and talk about how hard it is to have no privacy and no anonymity, there really isn’t much sympathy at all.

If you do try to talk about this experience, you are quickly told that nobody gives a shit about your privileged problems.

I thought for a while about why this was. I wondered if other people perceive the lack of anonymity and privacy to be a fair price to pay for being wealthy and successful. I also wondered whether they have a vision or a perception of what it would be like to live that life, and they tell themselves that is a price they would be willing to pay.

They romanticise it, and it is romanticised by the media in return. The brilliant, glamorous life of being chased by adoring fans and paparazzi…

People who have not lived in the public eye think they would enjoy being recognised and followed in ASDA, but they also believe that even if they didn’t, they would gladly put up with it because they want the things that come with it (money, namely).

But the reality is different, and we have to acknowledge that there are hundreds if not thousands of people who live in the public eye who would do just about anything to be anonymous again, to be able to go to a theme park, or to the beach, or on a date, and just be. Without stress. Without being watched. Without being a spectacle. Without being in a magazine on Saturday. Without social media blowing up that you don’t have your wedding ring on.

Lack of privacy often leads to people in the public eye having to make terrifying decisions about what to ‘go public’ with, and what to try to hide from everyone for as long as possible. Often, they know that eventually, their private issues will be leaked to the press, or on to social media, and so one of the unique traumas for those in the public eye are the decisions as to how and when they speak about something in an attempt to retain some control over their own life.

You’ll no doubt know what I am talking about. Pregnancy. Sexuality. New relationship. Cancer diagnosis. A new job. House purchase. New deal. Being sacked from something. Going to rehab. Having an affair. Divorce. Rumours. Allegations. Lies.

It is traumatic to have to even think about how you will control the public backlash to something in your private life – something that no one else even has a right to know about, but you know that they will know about sooner or later. It is absolutely traumatic to realise that intimate and private details of your life have been stolen and then sold to millions of people for mere entertainment.

Fame of this scale is a relatively new human phenomenon. There is nothing like it in the animal kingdom, and there is nothing like it in our human evolution. Social media is less than twenty years old, and the paparazzi phenomenon only really exploded in the 1950s. We don’t know what this is doing to the human brain, or the human body. We never evolved to live like this. I personally don’t think that anybody has a good enough understanding of the true mental and physical distress and ongoing, lifelong psychological trauma that this lifestyle causes.

One of the reasons I have chosen this article as the first in the series is because I am well aware that there are people in the public eye who don’t feel able to talk about this, mainly because it’s perceived as either self indulgent, selfish, or narcissistic. Further, there is a real fear out there of biting the hand that feeds you. If you start to complain about fame and fortune, it can all be ripped away from you.

However, I realised that I could talk about this, and create a suite of resources and articles for people in the public eye to use privately – without ever having to announce or admit to anyone else how they are truly feeling about their experiences.

I notice this double-edged sword a lot, especially when people in the public eye are struggling with their mental health and attempt to seek refuge and solace somewhere. Their privacy will be violated repeatedly – and then when they feel no other choice than to talk openly about their struggle in an attempt to control the narrative about them, they will be mocked as attention seekers and self-obsessed.

As recently as today, I saw a thread of comments about a celebrity which stated that she deserved to be hounded and photographed because she didn’t have a right to privacy anymore. The comments claimed that she had given away her right to privacy when she chased fame. There was no sympathy or empathy for her as a human – and people delighted in her attempting to escape paps and commentators.

It is pretty terrifying to really understand that once your life is in the public eye, general empathy for you and your safety dwindles – another example of how and why fame becomes so intertwined with chronic trauma.

Chronic trauma responses and coping mechanisms can manifest in thousands of different ways, and range from physical illnesses to hearing voices. The brain and body are incredibly complex, and if we live in a state of trauma every day for years of our lives, we will eventually experience serious harm.

At the bottom of it all, underneath the media coverage, the persona, the interviews, the alter egos, the achievements, talents, awards and money – you’re a human being and you need a sense of safety. You need privacy. You need trust. You need loyalty. You need confidentiality. You need anonymity.

The lack of these core needs, and the repetitive violation of your privacy over months and years is likely to make you feel anxious, scared, out of control, forgetful, exhausted, distrustful, insecure, traumatised and unwell. Whilst that might sound like a heavy list of emotions, they are totally normal, and should be expected.

None of them constitute an illness, or disorder. If at any point, you have had someone suggest to you that your concerns about privacy and safety are a form of paranoia, personality disorder, psychosis, anxiety disorder, delusions, or self-obsession – you have been gaslit and you have been minimised.

You are not paranoid, and you are not overreacting. You are not delusional or disordered.

You are responding normally, naturally, and rationally to an abnormal, frightening way of life in which you have been positioned as public property with no right to a private life.

Thank you for reading today, and I hope you will subscribe and catch up again in my next article in this series.

Dr Jessica Taylor