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Suzy Cashman's avatar

Jess, you have just written what has been floating around in my mind for months. The self blame is the bit I’ve really struggled with (from my recent abusive experiences) and when I spoke to others about this, and what happened, especially with the work that I do (mindset and emotional agility) they were incredulous that I ‘fell for it’.

It’s the conditioning that is all around us, and as I was brought up in the environment of severe scale of neglect and abuse, it’s all id known, and also behaved like this on a much lesser scale. I didn’t harm people like they had done to me but I was still operating at a manipulative level in order to be loved/keep people/perceived safety.

Then I woke up when I had these adult sexual abuse experiences.

Now I have 3 children and I’m constantly telling them to question everything and build personal agency which is so hard because as you’ve perfectly described we are constantly told what to do, ridiculous rules and everything is cloaked in a persuasive fog.

My kids say to me, when I say speak up, ‘we can’t, we get detention, in trouble, labelled, shamed, stopped’ and it angers me, it’s like sending them to prison. I remember my time at school, in a job etc and I know how much courage I had to find to do this as an adult! Kids have no power in this and it is my mission now to help them. I now work for myself and spend time coaching them and explain how the mind works, emotions etc, all trying to encourage them to speak up, follow their dreams and ‘be themselves’ and how to build real relationships. With the online world and phones making everything even more superficial and fake - and adults even more stressed and distracted in this sheep society it - how can we help ourselves break free and educate/protect our kids?

Thank you so much for writing this - you are the first voice that I’ve ever heard make any sense on the matter

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Monika Sharma's avatar

Grooming can be so subtle and manipulative that it often goes unnoticed until it's too late. Awareness and education are key to spotting the signs early!

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