Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing Catherine's story, Jess. As a mom who escaped 11 years ago, I've fended off three attempts made by my abuser to get full custody of our 13 year old daughter. This last time he forced me to undergo a psychiatric evaluation, of course. It's disheartening how isolated you still are after you leave the abuse. Everyone is so keen to help you leave your abuser, there are DV organizations ready to help, friends and family...and then the minute you leave they pat themselves on the back and then abandon you. But the abuse doesn't end, and the smear campaigns by the abuser don't end. I can barely get anyone in my life to care about the ongoing trauma and stress he causes...through our child, financially, legally, and more. Living with this much pain and anxiety on an ongoing basis has destroyed my physical health and made my world very small. I have simply been luckier than Catherine was...my abuser was less well-resourced. Catherine was absolutely correct when she said if this could happen to her, it could happen to any woman. I wish more people would pay attention to this crisis. And I wish family courts would finally start *consistently* being a system that protects women and children from abusers, rather than enabling them.
In my opinion both parents should undergo the same psychological examination in these situations. And should be evaluated by 3rd parties with no interest in the case. Why is that so hard to do?
I tend to disagree, Jennifer, particularly considering the information and education Dr. Jess here has shared with the world. While I do think it would be better if things were fair (for example, my ex could afford to force me to attend a psych eval that he paid for, whereas I could not afford to make him do one), I think psych evals are just problematic anyway. The test that is often given, the MMPI, should never be given to DV survivors, and yet it is given all the time. Many of the questions to check for paranoia ask you to answer true or false to questions like, "I often feel that someone is out to get me." For many survivors, answering that honestly, saying "true" to that if they are being harrassed or stalked, makes them look paranoid and the way the results are interpreted is very biased. Survivors could certainly lose custody of their children because of the results of their psych evals.
Meanwhile, even if you could get an abuser diagnosed as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder (psychopathy, sociopathy), which is notoriously hard to do, judges have no idea what to do with that information. They are regularly deciding that children are safe even when there is a documented history of abuse. They will say, "oh he just abused his wife, not the kids." Or, "well that's all in the past." There is not much education on how narcissists and psychopaths are as fathers because those things are so rarely diagnosed, so judges aren't going to take custody away from someone who is a diagnosed psychopath necessarily. People who could be diagnosed with these things rarely seek out mental health care because life is often going just fine for them. They aren't often down and needing help.
And honestly, psychiatry is a mess anyway. We need unbiased, caring court professionals who are trauma informed and knowledgeable about domestic abuse and coercive control meeting with both parents, looking at the documentation and evidence, and making informed decisions based on patterns of behavior, not flawed diagnoses.
Every day I swing between summoning up the strength to try to fight the evil brutality of the family court, and simply ending it. It has broken me and my children. I don't know what to do or where to turn. It feels hopeless, like I am counting down to the next verbal kicking in court and the enevitable removal of the children to their abusive, coercive controlling father.
We see you. We hear you. We stand with you. Maybe today is not your day. But thanks to Catherine, our day is coming. Hold faith close to your heart. We will #standup and we will be the guardians of our children's hearts and ours. Strength in numbers. We are rising.
I think it’s gonna have to be those trapped by the system to help each other. She provided her story as a stepping stone for us, and now we have to get organized. Download the app “mighty” then request to join the NSPO family court advocacy community if you want to join us to work towards reform! My email is amanda@amandaresing.com if you want someone to talk to for support who understands!
The Insider and Type are currently doing a deep investigation into the parental alienation industry. We need to share and spread every piece of information we have.
I watched a video yesterday of a woman pleading with police that they go look at her ex’s guns because she was concerned that since he had attempted suicide and also the lives of their children. The police only wanted to know if the weapons were registered. They were, the police told her there was nothing they could do. To which her ex laughed and laughed.
My brother was arrested for strangling my sister in law- he had at least twelve guns. Though he cannot “own” them until his case is concluded, the sheriff allowed his 14 yo son to take them. Also, even though my brother is a violent alcoholic, when he was arrested at work he was not drunk so no prohibition on his alcohol consumption. It was only the first time…that he got CAUGHT
Thank you for sharing this. It’s such a terrible and difficult situation for mothers leaving terrible men. I have an awkward coexistence with my emotionally and verbally abusive ex. Sadly this is the best way at the time to ensure the safety and well being of my daughter. They spend very little time together as I do the majority of all the things. And his emotions are less labile with me in the same house. It’s far from ideal, but there doesn’t seem to be much else to do at this time to keep her safe.
I am appalled that Catherine thought her only way out was to end her life this is so sad and unjust.
Catherine should have been protected and not forced to endure unimaginable abuse from her ex.
He should be ashamed of his abhorrent behaviour which has deprived Catherine the chance to be the best mother and woman she could. When her children are older I hope they learn the truth about how brave their mum was and what a monster their father is.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing Catherine's story, Jess. As a mom who escaped 11 years ago, I've fended off three attempts made by my abuser to get full custody of our 13 year old daughter. This last time he forced me to undergo a psychiatric evaluation, of course. It's disheartening how isolated you still are after you leave the abuse. Everyone is so keen to help you leave your abuser, there are DV organizations ready to help, friends and family...and then the minute you leave they pat themselves on the back and then abandon you. But the abuse doesn't end, and the smear campaigns by the abuser don't end. I can barely get anyone in my life to care about the ongoing trauma and stress he causes...through our child, financially, legally, and more. Living with this much pain and anxiety on an ongoing basis has destroyed my physical health and made my world very small. I have simply been luckier than Catherine was...my abuser was less well-resourced. Catherine was absolutely correct when she said if this could happen to her, it could happen to any woman. I wish more people would pay attention to this crisis. And I wish family courts would finally start *consistently* being a system that protects women and children from abusers, rather than enabling them.
In my opinion both parents should undergo the same psychological examination in these situations. And should be evaluated by 3rd parties with no interest in the case. Why is that so hard to do?
I tend to disagree, Jennifer, particularly considering the information and education Dr. Jess here has shared with the world. While I do think it would be better if things were fair (for example, my ex could afford to force me to attend a psych eval that he paid for, whereas I could not afford to make him do one), I think psych evals are just problematic anyway. The test that is often given, the MMPI, should never be given to DV survivors, and yet it is given all the time. Many of the questions to check for paranoia ask you to answer true or false to questions like, "I often feel that someone is out to get me." For many survivors, answering that honestly, saying "true" to that if they are being harrassed or stalked, makes them look paranoid and the way the results are interpreted is very biased. Survivors could certainly lose custody of their children because of the results of their psych evals.
Meanwhile, even if you could get an abuser diagnosed as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder (psychopathy, sociopathy), which is notoriously hard to do, judges have no idea what to do with that information. They are regularly deciding that children are safe even when there is a documented history of abuse. They will say, "oh he just abused his wife, not the kids." Or, "well that's all in the past." There is not much education on how narcissists and psychopaths are as fathers because those things are so rarely diagnosed, so judges aren't going to take custody away from someone who is a diagnosed psychopath necessarily. People who could be diagnosed with these things rarely seek out mental health care because life is often going just fine for them. They aren't often down and needing help.
And honestly, psychiatry is a mess anyway. We need unbiased, caring court professionals who are trauma informed and knowledgeable about domestic abuse and coercive control meeting with both parents, looking at the documentation and evidence, and making informed decisions based on patterns of behavior, not flawed diagnoses.
Every day I swing between summoning up the strength to try to fight the evil brutality of the family court, and simply ending it. It has broken me and my children. I don't know what to do or where to turn. It feels hopeless, like I am counting down to the next verbal kicking in court and the enevitable removal of the children to their abusive, coercive controlling father.
We see you. We hear you. We stand with you. Maybe today is not your day. But thanks to Catherine, our day is coming. Hold faith close to your heart. We will #standup and we will be the guardians of our children's hearts and ours. Strength in numbers. We are rising.
I'm living in this hell. Where is anyone to help or care?
I think it’s gonna have to be those trapped by the system to help each other. She provided her story as a stepping stone for us, and now we have to get organized. Download the app “mighty” then request to join the NSPO family court advocacy community if you want to join us to work towards reform! My email is amanda@amandaresing.com if you want someone to talk to for support who understands!
Catherine has started our beginning. Hold faith close. Documentation is key.
Thank you so much jessica!
The Insider and Type are currently doing a deep investigation into the parental alienation industry. We need to share and spread every piece of information we have.
https://www.insider.com/parental-alienation-syndrome-father-alleged-child-abuse-win-custody-case-2023-5
...and please add germany to your list. Parental alienation claims are unquestioned in germany and nobody knows what coercive control even is.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CszMyLJvdNA/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I watched a video yesterday of a woman pleading with police that they go look at her ex’s guns because she was concerned that since he had attempted suicide and also the lives of their children. The police only wanted to know if the weapons were registered. They were, the police told her there was nothing they could do. To which her ex laughed and laughed.
My brother was arrested for strangling my sister in law- he had at least twelve guns. Though he cannot “own” them until his case is concluded, the sheriff allowed his 14 yo son to take them. Also, even though my brother is a violent alcoholic, when he was arrested at work he was not drunk so no prohibition on his alcohol consumption. It was only the first time…that he got CAUGHT
Reading this made me cry, we must do better
My children and I have suffered similarly.
I am in the precipice of the same decision.
The cycle of abuse continues.
The perpetrator (who never faced Justice) in our story has recently been appointed judge.
Perpetuating the cycle of oppression.
Insidiously.
The records of his abuse sealed.
The motive for his current decisions unknown to all.
But me.
The victims to disappear painfully into obscurity with their stories never being told.
Their voices silent.
The damage debilitating.
Until they are forever erased.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s such a terrible and difficult situation for mothers leaving terrible men. I have an awkward coexistence with my emotionally and verbally abusive ex. Sadly this is the best way at the time to ensure the safety and well being of my daughter. They spend very little time together as I do the majority of all the things. And his emotions are less labile with me in the same house. It’s far from ideal, but there doesn’t seem to be much else to do at this time to keep her safe.
I am appalled that Catherine thought her only way out was to end her life this is so sad and unjust.
Catherine should have been protected and not forced to endure unimaginable abuse from her ex.
He should be ashamed of his abhorrent behaviour which has deprived Catherine the chance to be the best mother and woman she could. When her children are older I hope they learn the truth about how brave their mum was and what a monster their father is.
I’ve been following this story on TikTok it’s absolutely heartbreaking but so familiar. When will it end?
Thank you for sharing her story.