Is it really a mental illness to love yourself and believe you are special?

Dr Jess writes about the peculiar pattern in delusions, psychosis and narcissism…

As I’ve become more critical of the entire concept of psychiatry (and even my own discipline of psychology), I’ve noticed a peculiar pattern that concerns me: the pathologisation of self-love.

The internet is awash with people calling each other narcissists, delusional, psychotic, and egotistical - to the point where no one dare admit they are good at something, or love themselves, or think they are attractive or important.

But it isn’t just social media trolls and armchair therapists dubbing people narcissistic for having a shred of self-love or self-belief - indeed, the origin of these beliefs is psychiatry, and the flawed concept of mental disorder.

So, is it really a mental disorder to love yourself?

What about believing you are special?

Or that you are brilliant at something?

What if you believe you have a purpose on Earth? That your life means something?

This article will explore some of the most common forms of pathologisation which relate to self-love, self-belief, ability and ambition - and discuss why it is beneficial to a controlling, abusive and capitalist society to pathologise and medicalise our thoughts about ourselves and our roles on earth.

Are you ready for this?

Let’s get into it. Here are the so-called delusions and disorders that suggest that our positive self-beliefs, self-love and self-esteem are a little… too high.

Especially, of course, if you happen to be a woman. Or a minority. Or both.

1. Narcissistic personality disorder

2. Delusions of grandeur

3. Self-obsession

4. Believing you are very attractive

5. Delusions of purpose or mission

6. Delusions of a special gift, ability, or talent

7. Delusions of being destined for something important or successful

8. Delusions of religious or spiritual significance or purpose

Narcissistic personality disorder

By far one of the most popular slurs on the internet and in media at the moment - ‘she’s a narcissist!’

Frankly, the reason you never hear or see me talk or write on this topic is for two reasons, the first being that I don’t believe personality disorders exist; and the second being that you can’t even take a selfie now without someone claiming you have NPD. It means nothing. No one cares or knows what ‘narcissistic’ even means. It’s become synonymous with ‘you love yourself a bit too much!’ Or ‘you’re too confident’. I have zero interest in this label, I don’t use it in my work; and I don’t use it in my personal life. Much like I wouldn’t call someone ‘hysterical’ or ‘borderline’.

You can be labelled a narcissist for so many things - and interestingly, they are all linked to confidence, ability, talent, appearance, publicity, success, and achievement.

Posting about your promotion is no longer you sharing great news, it’s you being a raging narc. Sharing selfies whilst you travel the world is more evidence of your narcissism. Writing a post about your increasing sense of confidence and self-esteem since you worked on yourself earns you a shiny label of NPD.

God forbid you admit that you love yourself, or you love your body - but I’ll get to those later.

So the question is, why is it considered such a bad thing to be confident, to have very high self-esteem, and to love yourself? Why is it a mental disorder to believe you are brilliant at something?

Aren’t we constantly being told to love ourselves more? To believe in ourselves? To trust ourselves? To believe we are capable of anything we set our minds to? To believe we are special? That we are beautiful?

Are there unspoken, invisible thin lines we cannot cross? Limits to the amounts we can love ourselves?

It appears so, and who could benefit from that, I wonder.

Delusions of grandeur

This one fascinates me. Increasingly used as a slur (of course), delusions of grandeur are apparently ‘psychotic delusions’ in which the person believes they are special, or exceptional in some way.

But, and I just have to ask this, what if they are?

And what if we are mocking and minimising the potential of millions of people by telling them that their self-belief is a delusion?

I already know what people will say to this, but just think about it. Who benefits from recasting these feelings, thoughts and beliefs as psychotic delusions - and where does that leave the constant messaging of ‘you can be anything you set your mind to’ and ‘you are special’ and ‘you are capable of great things’?

We either are, or we are not.

Humans have incredible potential. What’s the difference between a young rich middle class white child saying they will become a famous novelist one day and a poor, working class child from a marginalised community saying the same thing?

Is one of them accepted, and the other delusional? By whose standards?

Listen to interviews with some of the most successful and famous athletes, musicians, artists, writers, inventors and leaders in the world and they will tell you that they ‘knew’ they were capable of amazing things and some of them even knew they would end up being very successful. They saw it. They felt it. They were determined - obsessed, some might say.

So, were they delusional?

Or are we only delusional when we fail? Are we only delusional when no one ELSE believes our self-belief? Are we delusional if we don’t fit the mould? We don’t look the part?

It intrigues me that certain children and adults will be told they are capable of literally anything, and will be filled with belief and ambition and vision, but other children and adults will be told they will amount to nothing, and their dreams and visions of their future are merely psychotic delusions.

What happens when we introduce the mockery and the denial of a human’s capabilities, and instead tell them that they are ridiculous? Psychotic? Mentally ill?

Why would we pathologise self-belief in this way?

Self-obsession

In the same vein, what then, is self-obsession - and who decides what that even means?

Another term now heavily used as a slur towards anyone who cares, talks, thinks, or writes about themselves, about their lives, their experiences or their thoughts.

This one interests me too, especially as anyone hoping to be good at anything in life really ought to get obsessed with it, and obsessed with themselves in relation to it. It is so easy to call someone ‘self-obsessed’ when they write, sing, create or develop things related to self - but if they were not obsessed with it, and obsessed with themselves getting better at it, they’d be pretty shit at it. Especially considering that to be excellent at something, it is estimated that you need to spend at least 10,000 hours focussing on it!

Self obsession. It reminds me of the common, ‘you’re so full of yourself!’ criticism levelled at literally anyone who is remotely interested in, or proud of themselves.

But in the words of the amazing Achieng Agutu, ‘Of course I’m full of myself! Who am I supposed to be full of? You?’

Believing you are very attractive

According to psychiatry (and according to Johnny Depp’s team against Amber Heard) believing you are very attractive is a symptom of a personality disorder.

Sounds made up, right? Especially in an age where women are constantly being forced to look more and more attractive, and to put pressure on themselves to be more and more desirable to the outside world. But of course, the double standards dictate that you are not allowed to find YOURSELF attractive, you are only allowed to humbly wait until someone else finds you attractive, and then you need to politely decline their compliment and tell them that you are ugly, or that they are too much.

I know you’ll recognise the scene I describe. Even when you know you are attractive, you’re not supposed to say it. But why?

Who decided that it is a personality disorder to think - or to know - that you are beautiful?

What if you are beautiful? And what about the constant marketing that beauty is unique, that we are all beautiful, that we should look and feel beautiful? Is that all bullshit to get us to buy the shampoo and the moisturiser?

If we believe the marketing, are we delusional and gullible?

Have you ever stopped to consider how many positive thoughts about yourself and your life are pathologised as mental illnesses?

Interesting right? Well, let’s take it a step further.

Let’s get into the psychotic delusions described by the DSM - all of which are apparently symptoms of serious mental illness.

Delusions of purpose or mission

According to psychiatrists, people who have strong feelings and thoughts that they are on Earth with a purpose or special mission are suffering from psychotic delusions. I obviously don’t agree, and would like us all to pick this apart a little more.

Which kinds of people are allowed to say they have a purpose or a mission? Which kinds of people are not?

If a politician says that they were born with a purpose or a mission in life, they would be believed - but would a psychiatrist believe a homeless man on the street, who also believes he has a mission in life to become a leader?

It’s so confusing to me, that this could be positioned as a delusion. Don’t we want to bring our kids up to believe that have a mission in life? A purpose? A role?

And if to believe that is a delusion, is it preferred that they believe they have no special purpose? No mission? No role?

Just a meaningless existence of watching TV, buying shit they don’t need, and scrolling social media?

Delusions of a special gift, ability, or talent

Similarly here, why is believing you have a special gift, ability or talent a ‘delusion’? What if you do that those gifts? Or what if you are working towards it? What if you have a sense that you will/can have these special talents?

It reminds me very much of children and young adults who consistently claim they have a special talent or gift for sport or art. Are we to frame them as delusional? Should we only encourage the ones who are exceptional, and the rest are mentally ill?

Who benefits from framing beliefs of special gifts and talents as delusions?

Deeper still, what about the people who claim to be psychic? Telepathic? Clairvoyant? Are they all delusional and psychotic?

What about the evidence which suggests that police forces, secret services and military regularly use psychics in murder, missing people and cold cases?

Why do they do this, if these abilities are mere delusion?

Isn’t it fascinating that one person can claim to have a special talent or ability and end up with a Netflix special, but another person in different circumstances could end up locked up and forcibly chemically restrained?

Delusions of being destined for something important or successful

This one is probably the one which saddens me the most for humankind. I want every child to grow up believing they are destined for something important - or that they are destined to be successful in their chosen life path. I don’t want that self-belief and ‘destiny’ to be framed as a psychotic delusion.

What would happen to our society, if we reframed these beliefs of destiny or impending success as psychotic delusions?

No one would be destined for anything. No success or achievement on their horizons. Just mediocrity forever. Anything else, just a figment of their mentally ill imagination.

When I read in the DSM that thoughts and strong feelings of being destined for something important, or becoming very successful or influential - were red flags for psychotic delusions - I wondered again, who was allowed to believe this?

It made me think of Donald Trump. A wealthy business guy who basically just said he wanted to be President of the USA. He did it, though. He became President (terrifyingly).

But when wealthy, successful, Black rap artist Kanye West said he wanted to run for President, he was chalked up as delusional and psychotic. Jokes were spread that he was ‘off his meds’ and was suffering from a range of mental illnesses.

So why was one wealthy man allowed to dream of becoming President, and the other was globally mocked and framed as psychotic and delusional?

I think we all know the answer to that.

Delusions of religious or spiritual significance or purpose

Finally, and probably most controversially, I bring you to the so-called delusions of religious or spiritual purpose. I could write an entire article - or series of articles - on this one.

According to psychiatry, people who believe or feel they have some religious or spiritual purpose, significance or role are suffering from psychotic delusions.

Really?

This from a discipline literally founded by the church? That seems suspect to me. Most people do not know that psychiatry is heavily entwined with the church, and that the first ‘mental illnesses’ were ‘treated’ with mandatory conversion to Christianity or Catholicism.

The first ‘lunatic’ asylums around the world were opened and managed by the church.

Is it really such a reach to ask how beliefs of religious and spiritual significance would end up categorised as a psychotic disorder?

Why is the Pope allowed to tell everyone he talks directly to God, but the guy that works in the supermarket who says he hears the voice of God, is delusional?

Why are our monarchs clearly and directly telling us that they were chosen especially by God to be the King or Queen of England? Is this a psychotic delusion? Or is this real?

Again, we are left with the exact same question - why are some people allowed these beliefs and purposes, but others are suffering from psychotic delusions and incurable mental illnesses which require supervision and medication?

If these disorders are real, biological illnesses of the brain, why don’t we ‘treat’ the Pope and the King? Aren’t they mentally ill? They are afterall, exhibiting all the symptoms of the ‘illness’.

If they don’t apply to the Pope and the King - who do they apply to, and why? Are the Pope and the King immune from mental illness? Are all their beliefs valid? Are they speaking to God? Chosen by god, for a special mission or purpose on the earth?

Don’t they both believe in God and Jesus?

Wasn’t Jesus a lowly carpenter like his father Joseph, born to a poor young woman? A poor man who was born the Son of God on Earth? Was he also delusional? A psychotic preacher claiming to turn water to wine who should have been locked up?

Think on it.

…

Well, that escalated quickly, didn’t it?

How did we go from discussing narcissism and selfies, to asking whether the Pope is psychotic?

The answer to this is actually very simple: psychiatric diagnosis is a slippery slope. Psychiatry has successfully pathologised everything from being sad, to thinking you will be very successful. Anything from being frightened every day, to believing you have a special purpose on earth.

As an industry, and as a form of social control, the sheer breadth of what can be categorised as a symptom of mental illness is staggering. There are literally thousands of ways to be framed as mentally ill, with the APA only adding more and more ways to each publication of the DSM. The first publication had 128 mental disorders, but the most recent publication has 541 mental disorders - with even more on the way. However, what is still not in any way considered a mental illness, is also telling.

There is no such thing as ‘warmonger disorder’ or ‘oppressing a population disorder’ or ‘abusing your children disorder’.

There are no mental disorders for bullying someone to death. No mental disorders for smashing your living room up because your wife won’t have sex with you tonight.

Just to be clear, I am not suggesting those are mental disorders - but doesn’t it make you question why believing you are brilliant at something qualifies as a psychotic disorder worthy of medication and sedation - but raping people for your own sadistic satisfaction isn’t it a disorder at all?

There is no Rapist Disorder, of course.

And herein lies another important point to think about. Many psychiatrists will claim that psychotic delusions are dangerous and those people pose serious risk to themselves and others. But I am willing to bet that the person who believes they are Elvis reincarnated is a lot less dangerous than the guy who has raped 6 children and re-offends every time he is released. And yet, one of those people is medicated for life without their consent, and the other is apparently entitled to a ‘just and fair legal process’ and keeps being let back out to rape another child.

I personally think we need to unravel the entire concept of psychiatry and mental illness. It just doesn’t hold up under scientific scrutiny. It’s a relatively new field of thought at less than 150 years old, and one that has become unfairly dominant considering the lack of evidence it provides for any of the disorders it claims to have discovered. Who says what is normal? What does normal even mean?

Who gets to diagnose another human with a made up disorder with no tests or proof? No genes. No brain scans. No blood or spinal fluid tests. No neurotransmitter tests. Nothing. Just observations and accusations.

Why have we allowed an elite group of white western men to claim that thinking highly of yourself or loving yourself is a mental illness - and yet, so is hating yourself or having ‘low self-esteem’?

How do we win, when anything can be framed as disorder or delusion?

If we are too frightened and lack confidence, we have a mental disorder - but if we are super confident and feel we will become great at something one day, we also have a mental disorder?

This is a trap. Maybe there is a purpose to controlling what we think about ourselves, who we are, who we can be, and what we can achieve?