Question why aren't men and boys told 'well you should have ensured your safety rather than allowing the male perpetrator to steal your wallet/money/car etc' Answer because men and boys are never ever held partially responsible for supposedly causing male perpetrators to target them! Far easier for men and their male supremacist system to blame women and girls because it neatly deflects attention away from men and their male choice to target women/girls!
Also not forgetting men become very very angry when they are given messages telling them -'you are responsible for not committing male sexual violence against women' because it is heresy to even state which sex is doing what to which sex. So the men continue to create ever new messages always subtly blaming women and girls for men's choice to commit male violence against them!
Finally one appalling victim blaming message which is rarely directed at male victims is 'well you were in the wrong place at the wrong time!' As if women and girls have a crystal ball which can magically tell them 'oh you are in a dangerous situation better remove yourself now!'
Thank you for calling this out! The victim blaming is inherently misogynistic and it's not surprising that in any study with a well balanced sample of both sexes, about half will agree with victim blaming when it is socially acceptable to do so.
First to one of the comments below. Men are absolutely told that they need to take responsibility for bad decisions they make that gets them stabbed. Every soldier who I know who was ever stabbed or mugged in El Paso was used as an example of why to avoid certain parts of town, to travel in groups, and to not get so drunk that you can not defend yourself.
The world will always have psychopaths, predators, and evil people who look for easy targets.
I came here looking for a way to show empathy while still trying to address accountability. All I found was propaganda to absolve women of any kind of reckless behavior. If reckless behavior (driving drunk) leads to being killed in a car accident we absolutely hold the reckless behavior to account. Heck we might even charge a drunk driver with murder. If someone other than themselves is killed. But go to a gang bar, get so drunk you can't walk out on your own and it's " your not responsible at all!??
i believe that the Year is 2024 and i personally go for some anti rape gear to help protect and empower ones self examples of real life and also uk legal stuff is brillianlty available through antirapegear.com it provides the most amazing gear to defend and personally i would say making someone dyed the colour red would make people question that persons actions look it is difficult to explain they have the best tools and gear avaible they do not have pepper spray becuase that is illegal they have something better some spray tools that can make someone become red and they wont be able to wash their face it will be stuck to them lol and the can be caught through UV technology check what antirapegear have this could be a game changer i mean people always saying make the cannabis legal i say make the pepper spray legal and make it licensable to victims of rape or assult so that they can take matters in their own hands and then can make authorities arrive one way or the other any party involved can allow their to be such peace through advantage i mean soo much factors it should be common sense i am sure that if a lot of strong people vote for a legistlation we the people would benift and see a change in the legal i mean look at the USA they have it no problem but the UK it puts the victims in a pickel for now treatment a prescription from one person to another would be not a CURE however a treatment to treat situations and knwoing you have somehthing in your pocket to spray anyone is a afvantage if it is considerd a one point vs maybe not having anything on your person btw they only sell Legal gear... good luck be strong and i say grab one either from them or anywhere you please im just saying my writing may be a little typoed butin conculsion , peace!
I see this in other cases besides just sexual trauma. As Dr. Jess mentioned in her book, girls who go into recovery or therapy, are told that they are responsible for their own choices moving forward, you are responsible for your own feelings and for doing your own "work."
Well, it's true. We are. But how do you say that to a 15 y.o.? Or how do you demand that of someone without first acknowledging the pain she's been through?
I once met a woman who had a large family and was going through a divorce. CPS was involved. And one day, they came in and it was particularly hard on this one child in the family, an 8 y.o. She told me about the little girl, and then said. "I know it was hard on her, but she has to make her choice about how she chooses to react to things like this."
Who does that? How can you say that about an 8. y.o.? I would think a child in that situation doesn't have much of a choice about how they react. No child should be put in a situation like that!
Such an important conversation on responsibility being reframed to victim blame. Thank you for sharing these invaluable insights!
Question why aren't men and boys told 'well you should have ensured your safety rather than allowing the male perpetrator to steal your wallet/money/car etc' Answer because men and boys are never ever held partially responsible for supposedly causing male perpetrators to target them! Far easier for men and their male supremacist system to blame women and girls because it neatly deflects attention away from men and their male choice to target women/girls!
Also not forgetting men become very very angry when they are given messages telling them -'you are responsible for not committing male sexual violence against women' because it is heresy to even state which sex is doing what to which sex. So the men continue to create ever new messages always subtly blaming women and girls for men's choice to commit male violence against them!
Finally one appalling victim blaming message which is rarely directed at male victims is 'well you were in the wrong place at the wrong time!' As if women and girls have a crystal ball which can magically tell them 'oh you are in a dangerous situation better remove yourself now!'
Thank you for calling this out! The victim blaming is inherently misogynistic and it's not surprising that in any study with a well balanced sample of both sexes, about half will agree with victim blaming when it is socially acceptable to do so.
First to one of the comments below. Men are absolutely told that they need to take responsibility for bad decisions they make that gets them stabbed. Every soldier who I know who was ever stabbed or mugged in El Paso was used as an example of why to avoid certain parts of town, to travel in groups, and to not get so drunk that you can not defend yourself.
The world will always have psychopaths, predators, and evil people who look for easy targets.
I came here looking for a way to show empathy while still trying to address accountability. All I found was propaganda to absolve women of any kind of reckless behavior. If reckless behavior (driving drunk) leads to being killed in a car accident we absolutely hold the reckless behavior to account. Heck we might even charge a drunk driver with murder. If someone other than themselves is killed. But go to a gang bar, get so drunk you can't walk out on your own and it's " your not responsible at all!??
i believe that the Year is 2024 and i personally go for some anti rape gear to help protect and empower ones self examples of real life and also uk legal stuff is brillianlty available through antirapegear.com it provides the most amazing gear to defend and personally i would say making someone dyed the colour red would make people question that persons actions look it is difficult to explain they have the best tools and gear avaible they do not have pepper spray becuase that is illegal they have something better some spray tools that can make someone become red and they wont be able to wash their face it will be stuck to them lol and the can be caught through UV technology check what antirapegear have this could be a game changer i mean people always saying make the cannabis legal i say make the pepper spray legal and make it licensable to victims of rape or assult so that they can take matters in their own hands and then can make authorities arrive one way or the other any party involved can allow their to be such peace through advantage i mean soo much factors it should be common sense i am sure that if a lot of strong people vote for a legistlation we the people would benift and see a change in the legal i mean look at the USA they have it no problem but the UK it puts the victims in a pickel for now treatment a prescription from one person to another would be not a CURE however a treatment to treat situations and knwoing you have somehthing in your pocket to spray anyone is a afvantage if it is considerd a one point vs maybe not having anything on your person btw they only sell Legal gear... good luck be strong and i say grab one either from them or anywhere you please im just saying my writing may be a little typoed butin conculsion , peace!
I see this in other cases besides just sexual trauma. As Dr. Jess mentioned in her book, girls who go into recovery or therapy, are told that they are responsible for their own choices moving forward, you are responsible for your own feelings and for doing your own "work."
Well, it's true. We are. But how do you say that to a 15 y.o.? Or how do you demand that of someone without first acknowledging the pain she's been through?
I once met a woman who had a large family and was going through a divorce. CPS was involved. And one day, they came in and it was particularly hard on this one child in the family, an 8 y.o. She told me about the little girl, and then said. "I know it was hard on her, but she has to make her choice about how she chooses to react to things like this."
Who does that? How can you say that about an 8. y.o.? I would think a child in that situation doesn't have much of a choice about how they react. No child should be put in a situation like that!