Therapy not working? Maybe traditional therapy isn’t for you.

Dr Jess discusses why therapy might not work for some people, and why she prefers mentoring to therapy.

Traditional therapy has long been considered the gold standard for personal development, mental health and trauma support, and general emotional well-being.

Yet, for many people, therapy can feel ineffective, frustrating, or even harmful. Some people leave therapy feeling stuck, misunderstood, blamed, judged, or feeling worse than before they went in, with no clear path forward.

We rarely have the conversation about harmful therapy (and harmful therapists) - and if you are one of those people that therapy doesn’t help, people will say that you just ‘weren’t ready for it yet’ or ‘it will get worse before it gets better’, and encourage you to keep going, keep trying, or to ignore your instincts that it isn’t working for you.

But what if, for some people, therapy is not the answer at all - and they need something different?

For those who find therapy unhelpful, mentoring and life coaching can offer a refreshing, structured, and empowering alternative. Unlike therapy, which often focuses on processing past trauma, analysing emotions, and diagnosing problems, coaching and mentoring are action-oriented, forward-focused, and based on real-world problem-solving.

My article today explores why mentoring and life coaching can be a better fit than therapy for some of you - especially those who feel therapy holds you back (or pushed you backwards!) rather than helping you move forward.

Let’s talk about power dynamics!

Therapy can feel hierarchical and ultimately, disempowering. In traditional therapy, the therapist is often seen as the expert, and the client is positioned as someone who needs ‘fixing.’ This power imbalance can leave people feeling judged, misunderstood, or even infantilised.

Many people go to therapy seeking validation and support but instead feel as though they are being pathologised - having their struggles labelled as disorders rather than natural responses to difficult experiences, trauma and abuse. This can be especially damaging if the therapist lacks an understanding of the client’s lived experience or if the sessions feel overly clinical, medicalising, labelling and detached.

Mentoring and coaching are different from therapy, and I think, therein lies their power!

Coaching and mentoring create a collaborative relationship rather than a hierarchical one. I am not here to silently listen, nod, suggest a few things and then send you on your way after 50 minutes - I’m here as your mentor and your collaborator.

Want to set up your own company? Cool, let’s do this! Want to work on your self-esteem after abuse? Fab, let’s talk it out together. Want to decide if you need to leave your marriage? Okay, let’s look at all the options one by one and see how they would pan out, and make you feel. Want to improve your academic writing? Brilliant, let’s look at your writing together and I can give you feedback.

This isn’t therapy - this is something much more powerful, and that’s because…

The focus is on empowerment - helping clients tap into their own wisdom and strengths. When I mentor, I assume you are bringing decades of your own experiences, knowledge, ideas and wisdom - I’m not here to be above you, I’m here to be alongside you whilst you get to where you want to be.

Mentors often have lived experience and can relate to their clients on a more personal level - not only relate, but actually speak openly about it.

One thing I cannot stand about therapy is the elitism and the way therapists are trained never to self-disclose, where many people want to know that the other person actually understands them.

Even when therapists have lived experience and they wish they could talk more openly, they are taught that talking about it with their clients is unprofessional; selfish and bad practice - whereas in mentoring, we can have fully natural conversations about our experiences and our strategies, whether they worked or not, how we see things and how we coped.

Whether that’s a conversation about managing business finances, leaving abusive marriages, or realising we needed help with our trauma triggers - the conversation is real, and it flows without fear that we ‘can’t talk about that’.

Instead of being told what is ‘wrong’ with them and how they need to change, clients in mentoring and coaching relationships feel seen, heard, and supported in a way that feels natural and motivating.

There is a lack of natural conversation structure in therapy - and some people do not like it!

Maybe you’ve noticed this yourself. Conversations don’t flow naturally because therapy isn’t a balanced conversation. For some, that works, but for others, it’s irritating and unnerving to spill everything about yourself to someone who tells you nothing in return.

Therapy sessions can often feel forced or unnatural. Many people struggle with the rigid format - 50-minute sessions, once a week, with a therapist who listens well, but rarely engages in a natural back-and-forth dialogue.

You walk in, sit down, recap, do the small talk, finally get into something meaty that is bothering you… and then your time is up. Before you know it, the therapist is pulling you back to the present, grounding you, and you’re out of the door. See you next week!

In traditional therapy, the client is often expected to lead the session with what they want to discuss, while the therapist passively listens, occasionally reflecting back observations. This can make the interaction feel one-sided, stilted, or even awkward.

How Mentoring and Coaching Are Different From Therapy:

Coaching and mentoring sessions tend to be more dynamic and interactive than therapy.

Instead of just listening, a mentor or coach will actively participate, ask questions, challenge limiting beliefs, and offer insights.

Not only will I ask questions, but I will encourage you to ask questions of me. Ask my advice. Ask me what I think of something. Ask me how I did something. Ask me to teach you something. I’m here and I’m ready!

The structure is more flexible - there’s no need to stick to rigid time slots or a pre-determined therapeutic model. Some of the people I mentor need an hour, some need two or three. Some see me once a week, once a month, once every few months - and some see me as and when - they just drop by whenever they need me with no obligation to book anything structured! I don’t mind how you use my sessions, they are for you, not me.

For those who struggle with the awkwardness of traditional therapy, coaching offers a more engaging and human approach to self-development. Lots of people struggle with the frustration of ‘not being allowed’ to seek advice in therapy. One of the most common frustrations people have with therapy is that therapists don’t give advice.

Therapy is designed to encourage self-reflection, but for many people, this can feel like going around in circles. I’ve known plenty of people in my professional and personal life that have had therapy, and the therapist has been great, but they’ve needed advice. They’ve needed opinion. They’ve needed to be able to look that therapist in the eye and say, ‘what do you think I should do?’

Clients who are struggling with major life decisions - whether it’s leaving a toxic relationship, changing careers, or setting boundaries with family - often feel frustrated when their therapist refuses to provide direct guidance.

In mentoring and coaching, we can guide you however you need!

Coaches and mentors are solution-focused and can offer practical strategies rather than just reflections. Instead of saying, “How does that make you feel?” over and over, I can say, “Here’s what you can do next. Let’s look at your options and how they feel. Let’s build a plan.”

There is nothing better than leaving a session feeling heard, feeling like you have some direction and feeling like you have ideas for how to overcome a problem. Often, this only takes one or two sessions, too.

For those who crave tangible guidance, mentoring and coaching can be life-changing. Whilst you may have had therapy in the past that has helped, when you feel you have come to the point where you need advice and guidance, it’s time to consider a mentor instead of a therapist.

One of the biggest complaints about therapy is that it often feels like rehashing the same problems without making real progress.

Many people spend years in therapy discussing their childhood traumas, dysfunctional relationships, or anxieties - but nothing actually changes in their day-to-day lives. This is because traditional therapy is insight-oriented, meaning its primary goal is to help clients understand their thoughts and emotions. But understanding alone doesn’t create change - action does.

As a psychologist, I am trauma-informed, anti-pathology, I specialise in abuse, trauma, violence and women’s experiences - so I know how important it is that all of those domains are validated and supported, but I also know that rehashing some of the most horrible moments of your life for months or years in therapy will not move you forwards.

For those who feel stuck in the endless cycle of ‘self-awareness without action,’ coaching provides a practical and results-driven alternative.

Coaching and mentoring sessions also give us the freedom to jump around topics and issues, without being focussed on just one element of your life.

Therapists are often trained in specific psychological models (such as CBT, psychodynamic therapy, or person-centred therapy), which means that sessions can feel restricted to a particular framework.

This can be particularly frustrating for people who want to discuss multiple areas of life freely - sometimes shifting from personal struggles to career ambitions to relationship issues in a single session. Again, this is where I prefer to use mentoring. Sessions are adaptable - clients can bring any issue to the table without being forced into a specific framework. Coaching and mentoring focus on the whole person, rather than just a clinical diagnosis or some label someone slapped on 10 years ago. In my case, I don’t engage in clinical diagnoses at all, and work from an anti-pathology, trauma-informed approach (APTI).

My clients can address multiple aspects of their life in one session without being told to ‘stay on topic.’ (Huge eye roll from me!)

For those who feel constrained by the structure of therapy, coaching offers a fluid and intuitive way to explore personal growth.

Think you might benefit from mentoring sessions?

It could be for you, if you:

• Feel like therapy isn’t working for you for any of the reasons discussed in this article.

• Are tired of talking about the past and want to focus on the future.

• Need clear direction and action steps rather than just emotional processing.

• Find traditional therapy to be too rigid, slow, or too clinical.

• Prefer a more interactive, dynamic, and human approach to personal growth.

• Want a human discussion with someone with years of experience of life, trauma, abuse, academic study, career development, professional writing, business development, and self-development.

Ready to book a session?

You can check my live calendar and book your appointment here:

https://calendly.com/dr-jessica-taylor

Just pick the session you would like, and then have a look at my live calendar to book a session for yourself. Sessions are £99 each - and there is no obligation to book regularly. Simple!

I look forward to seeing you in the near future,

Jess x