I started watching MAFS as a kind of bonding experience with my teenage daughter but it has fast turned into an opportunity to warn her of the dangers of 'pop psychology'.
I agree with your comments about the couples and have further concerns regarding the advice given to another couple - Holly and Alex. Holly has previously reported that she finds Alex intimidating (Alex being the contestant who had already been accused online, by a friend of his ex, of abusive behaviour).
Alex meanwhile, objects to Holly talking to her fellow contestants about problems in their 'relationship' and would prefer they keep discussions 'behind closed doors'. Another learning opportunity for my daughter - if a man ever makes you feel intimidated and wants you to not discuss your relationship with your friends - run 🏃♀️ don't walk from that one 🫨.
Pity the 'experts' didn't think the same and and encouraged these 'closed door' conversations and discouraged Holly from voicing her issues to her friends. I honestly can't believe what I am watching sometimes!
Couldn't agree more! I stopped watching it years ago when I realised the experts have their own agenda and its not about listening to the individuals' concerns and respecting them, rather they seem to want to shame them in front of their peers and coerce them into saying and doing things they feel uncompfortable saying or doing.
Great call-out of a truly reprehensible piece of TV schlock.
One observation, though, of the "experts": perhaps it isn't quite fair to write off the couples counsellor without knowing their credentials. Some are highly-trained and qualified. I'm not a couples counsellor but my Master of counselling comes from a reputable university (Notre Dame). Sadly, it remains possible to call yourself a counsellor by cutting out a coupon on the back of a cereal box ...
Mind you, professionally, I wouldn't want any of the MAFS franchises on my CV! As with most, it seems, so-called reality shows, MAFS is predicated on coercion, control and manipulation from beginning to end. The participants are puppets the producers and editors manipulate for ratings scores.
Thank you again for drawing these issues to our attention. It remains a great concern that young men and women with very little life experience are being manipulated in the name of "entertainment." Generalisation though it be, the effect on the women is especially worrying.
I'd suggest that longitudinal studies of reality TV survivors is well-warranted.
Totally agree with your comments about sexual coercion. Would be interested to hear your thoughts on the lesbian couple Eve and Charlie which have been excrutiating to watch ... this seems to be domestic abuse on TV as entertainment
This is very interesting. I’ve never watched the program because I had issues with the premise. It all seemed very medieval and wrong. Reading what you’ve written now I see I was right. Just because it’s a man saying no, doesn’t mean any less than the woman saying no. I wonder how the ‘experts’ would handle that? No means no, whoever says it.
I watch this show every year out of fascination, because I cannot understand how they continue to find cast members, unless it is an ever-dwindling pool of people who have never seen the show. Which... it might be? The whole thing is a trap, almost indistinct from a cult, or McKamey Manor. And the success rate is seemingly worse than asking your coworker to set you up. Why keep making people say they "trust the process" and "believe the experts" except as thought-stopping cliches? This year I want to start a spreadsheet and begin tracking things. The whole show is fucked up in a really intricate way.
And who are these "experts," anyway? In the US version, they are A PASTOR AND A SOCIOLOGIST. wtf
And then the sex pressure thing. It happens over and over, at least in the US version. It's nearly always the men who feel uncomfortable and are pressured to get with their female partner. And if the female partner happens to be curvy at all, the producers will get them to say this, and make it about this. When - as you rightly point out - it may be one in a list of babbling things that come out of their cranium as they try to explain why they are feeling sheer panic at the sudden realization that they are trapped, and that it would be extremely easy for them to look like the bad guy anyway, since the real Bad Guys are making the show.
It is a crisis of humanity and I will keep watching it every year til it ends, because I need to know what happens. Not this year or next year, but big picture. What HAPPENS to this avalanche of a show?!
But I kind of wonder if the one he isn't attracted to was just terrible at sex? He was so unattracted he boned her anyway? Most people repeat what they enjoy, just sayin'.
This article is spot on! Another reason I have found the programme deeply concerning is the fact that there have been several couplings that involve love bombing and other abusive narcissistic behaviours. The “experts” have been very slow to protect the victims (if at all) because they want to let the drama unfold.
Jesus. That sounds shocking - I haven’t seen it, it wouldn’t be my cup of tea anyway, but reading your take on it :/
It totally flys in the face of safeguarding, how on earth can something be aired on TV like that?
You talk about the first couple and the consent regarding the bloke, but what must that be doing for the poor woman? Being publicly shunned for not being attractive enough for a guy she fancies and continually being told no, even when a panel are urging him to. It’s bad enough being turned down in the first place let alone again and again.
The twin thing is just gross. It feels like a twisted social experiment for clicks.
Feels like the production team should perhaps be sent on six weeks of training. What’s the point of having safeguards in place if the bloody TV is urging ppl to do otherwise?
I've never watched it, and now I'm sure I don't want to. I love your quote: You never have to fancy or sleep with anyone you don’t want to - you’re not their employer, you don’t have to follow Equal Opportunities Legislation! Made me literally laugh out loud. Such great insight.
I haven't seen this programme;the experts seem questionable,but so do people who apparently apply for their "assistance",if you approach anyone for help I think you should be very careful about who you get,it can be asking for trouble,there are accredited organisations and you aren't,to the best of my knowledge,going to be seen and assisted on television by them;the couples shown as examples do seem to have the fortitude to reject the direction given by the experts. What I find unpleasant after experiences I have had is that we are all to enjoy who we actually are as people,sex should not be a priority,it isn't actually the main ingredient of love and a successful relationship,but being coerced and manipulated seems to be a big problem,I've heard about it over years,all someone needs to know is how to "press the right buttons"-I have this,you want this,lets get together-I know about what you want,I haven't got it,I'll get you to believe I have so I get what I want. The supply of needs caters to these insecurities,depending on the volume of insecurity someone has,the more rubbish someone will swallow and give someone else what they want,all it takes is the right words and sounds.
I started watching MAFS as a kind of bonding experience with my teenage daughter but it has fast turned into an opportunity to warn her of the dangers of 'pop psychology'.
I agree with your comments about the couples and have further concerns regarding the advice given to another couple - Holly and Alex. Holly has previously reported that she finds Alex intimidating (Alex being the contestant who had already been accused online, by a friend of his ex, of abusive behaviour).
Alex meanwhile, objects to Holly talking to her fellow contestants about problems in their 'relationship' and would prefer they keep discussions 'behind closed doors'. Another learning opportunity for my daughter - if a man ever makes you feel intimidated and wants you to not discuss your relationship with your friends - run 🏃♀️ don't walk from that one 🫨.
Pity the 'experts' didn't think the same and and encouraged these 'closed door' conversations and discouraged Holly from voicing her issues to her friends. I honestly can't believe what I am watching sometimes!
Absolutely spot on. I found this programme an uncomfortable watch a few years ago and have never watched it since. It's sinister!
Couldn't agree more! I stopped watching it years ago when I realised the experts have their own agenda and its not about listening to the individuals' concerns and respecting them, rather they seem to want to shame them in front of their peers and coerce them into saying and doing things they feel uncompfortable saying or doing.
Great call-out of a truly reprehensible piece of TV schlock.
One observation, though, of the "experts": perhaps it isn't quite fair to write off the couples counsellor without knowing their credentials. Some are highly-trained and qualified. I'm not a couples counsellor but my Master of counselling comes from a reputable university (Notre Dame). Sadly, it remains possible to call yourself a counsellor by cutting out a coupon on the back of a cereal box ...
Mind you, professionally, I wouldn't want any of the MAFS franchises on my CV! As with most, it seems, so-called reality shows, MAFS is predicated on coercion, control and manipulation from beginning to end. The participants are puppets the producers and editors manipulate for ratings scores.
Thank you again for drawing these issues to our attention. It remains a great concern that young men and women with very little life experience are being manipulated in the name of "entertainment." Generalisation though it be, the effect on the women is especially worrying.
I'd suggest that longitudinal studies of reality TV survivors is well-warranted.
Totally agree with your comments about sexual coercion. Would be interested to hear your thoughts on the lesbian couple Eve and Charlie which have been excrutiating to watch ... this seems to be domestic abuse on TV as entertainment
Holy s**t 👀
So basically if trauma wasn't present before the show it certainly will be once they come back into reality!
How do these shows even get to be aired? How damaging for those watching with vulnerable mindsets.
Your insights are so interesting and I hope the people from the show see this and question their own morals.
This is very interesting. I’ve never watched the program because I had issues with the premise. It all seemed very medieval and wrong. Reading what you’ve written now I see I was right. Just because it’s a man saying no, doesn’t mean any less than the woman saying no. I wonder how the ‘experts’ would handle that? No means no, whoever says it.
I watch this show every year out of fascination, because I cannot understand how they continue to find cast members, unless it is an ever-dwindling pool of people who have never seen the show. Which... it might be? The whole thing is a trap, almost indistinct from a cult, or McKamey Manor. And the success rate is seemingly worse than asking your coworker to set you up. Why keep making people say they "trust the process" and "believe the experts" except as thought-stopping cliches? This year I want to start a spreadsheet and begin tracking things. The whole show is fucked up in a really intricate way.
And who are these "experts," anyway? In the US version, they are A PASTOR AND A SOCIOLOGIST. wtf
And then the sex pressure thing. It happens over and over, at least in the US version. It's nearly always the men who feel uncomfortable and are pressured to get with their female partner. And if the female partner happens to be curvy at all, the producers will get them to say this, and make it about this. When - as you rightly point out - it may be one in a list of babbling things that come out of their cranium as they try to explain why they are feeling sheer panic at the sudden realization that they are trapped, and that it would be extremely easy for them to look like the bad guy anyway, since the real Bad Guys are making the show.
It is a crisis of humanity and I will keep watching it every year til it ends, because I need to know what happens. Not this year or next year, but big picture. What HAPPENS to this avalanche of a show?!
omg that show, yikes!
But I kind of wonder if the one he isn't attracted to was just terrible at sex? He was so unattracted he boned her anyway? Most people repeat what they enjoy, just sayin'.
This article is spot on! Another reason I have found the programme deeply concerning is the fact that there have been several couplings that involve love bombing and other abusive narcissistic behaviours. The “experts” have been very slow to protect the victims (if at all) because they want to let the drama unfold.
Jesus. That sounds shocking - I haven’t seen it, it wouldn’t be my cup of tea anyway, but reading your take on it :/
It totally flys in the face of safeguarding, how on earth can something be aired on TV like that?
You talk about the first couple and the consent regarding the bloke, but what must that be doing for the poor woman? Being publicly shunned for not being attractive enough for a guy she fancies and continually being told no, even when a panel are urging him to. It’s bad enough being turned down in the first place let alone again and again.
The twin thing is just gross. It feels like a twisted social experiment for clicks.
Feels like the production team should perhaps be sent on six weeks of training. What’s the point of having safeguards in place if the bloody TV is urging ppl to do otherwise?
Mafs is a torure chamber and i do not understand how it is legal.
I've never watched it, and now I'm sure I don't want to. I love your quote: You never have to fancy or sleep with anyone you don’t want to - you’re not their employer, you don’t have to follow Equal Opportunities Legislation! Made me literally laugh out loud. Such great insight.
https://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/episodes/mafs/10822980
MAFS seems to be problematic in absolutely every way, I find it so bizarre that this program is still running!
I haven't seen this programme;the experts seem questionable,but so do people who apparently apply for their "assistance",if you approach anyone for help I think you should be very careful about who you get,it can be asking for trouble,there are accredited organisations and you aren't,to the best of my knowledge,going to be seen and assisted on television by them;the couples shown as examples do seem to have the fortitude to reject the direction given by the experts. What I find unpleasant after experiences I have had is that we are all to enjoy who we actually are as people,sex should not be a priority,it isn't actually the main ingredient of love and a successful relationship,but being coerced and manipulated seems to be a big problem,I've heard about it over years,all someone needs to know is how to "press the right buttons"-I have this,you want this,lets get together-I know about what you want,I haven't got it,I'll get you to believe I have so I get what I want. The supply of needs caters to these insecurities,depending on the volume of insecurity someone has,the more rubbish someone will swallow and give someone else what they want,all it takes is the right words and sounds.