I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and I'm so glad you're sharing your story. I have been really sad to find that the people who harass me most online aren't men or incels. They're other "feminists." I haven't experienced this degree of stalking, and am so glad I haven't (and so sad you have), but it's really shocking to me what sets people off.
I'm grateful for you, and for your work, and grateful that you have persevered.
I have followed you for years and thoroughly enjoyed the two books of yours I have read! Sometimes, I don’t have the energy but since you are my girl I had to comment. :)
Not only is your very real-lived experience disappointing but also disparaging. This level of violence is unacceptable. Literally it is mental, emotional psychological violence and when the mind suffers the body cries out! Unfortunately, or fortunately depends on how you look at it since its origin feminism has been fragmented. In America in the 21st century they claim, feminism is no longer a curse word in Black America. I know from what I have read globally, feminism (w.s) has never been one big unified ‘groupthink’ tank. Feminism has created sub sets, groups, organizations and waves with different motives and agendas, AERA, NWSA, AWSA, NAWSA, NOW, NYRW, CWLU (listen don’t quote me ;)). It does however seem we have gone to dangerous NEW lows case in point your experiences here. Lately, online I have read so many women saying, they are turning away from feminism because of non female centered behavior. Although I must admit that can happen very easily when asking women to question their androcentric mindset. But this happened in first and second wave feminism as well. I believe Paula Caplan, or was it Phyllis Chesler that had a similar experience in their advocacy for placing the spotlight on male violence. That ignited one of her books called, Womans Inhumanity to other Women or Barriers Between Women (PC). In other books I’ve read they hated when, ‘some’ feminist got too much of the spotlight (case in point here AGAIN).
Misogyny is the oldest religion, the tide that is the hardest to turn and fight. Women internalized every last doctrine. There is always that dual consciousness, or better yet triple consciousness. But as a Michele Wallace stated, Feminism gave her what she needed to be able to properly encompass and analyze sex class consciousness. The way the world worked around her with several labels in a sexist, capitalist, racist culture and society lead her to feminism. The work of feminism although some make it atrocious should never be discredited.
I am proud you are able to still stand tall & strong. You don’t do this for the accolades or them. You do this for you, your family, friends the girls and women that need you and because this is what you were meant to do. And maybe because I am use to being marginalized and stereotyped as an Afro Caribbean feminist we just keep doing what we were born to do. And still we prevail and still we rise.
I have a robust Facebook following, was a radio show host, and have other close friends whose work was/is followed by thousands of people and who were platformed at conferences. One such friend was completely destroyed by the very community who helped to lift her up and for seemingly no reason. The destruction was felt to the core of her family, as angry mobs contacted CPS and police on more than one occasion and other governmental agencies. My friend nearly lost her life to suicide. In my case, I have been bullied online more than I care to articulate, and my peers in the industry of writing and publishing detest me. My work is regularly stolen, plagiarized, and rebranded as belonging to others' before being sold in books with their names on it. The soul-sucking nature of being a writer in the sphere in which I exist is difficult. That said, I have noticed with my friend and others who are dismantled in this way, that there is typically an inextinguishable light the others are raging over. They won't say it, but I still think it's true. I have really enjoyed your series on fame, by the way, and has spoken to the deep places of my soul that have been scarred by the fake friendships and hangers-on. People have no idea of the isolation and smear campaigns and their effect. They think we live a gilded life. My honest opinion here is that they are deeply and incredibly jealous. Y'all are so cute and enviable that I think their heads explode with envy. That is no excuse. I am just saying the work is solid, the success eats at them, and they wish they were you. Point blank. Instead of hating, they need to work on themselves and create something of beauty. All the ugly they attempt to spill on you is really a reflection of them. I am so sorry for all you've gone through, and I can say that at least on some level, I really, truly get it. Wish I didn't, though.
I'm not even famous, and not in the UK, and have been a recipient of all of this too. Thank you for sharing it. I thought I was the only one (as is the nature of relational aggression... and the M.O. of a particular group of "feminists")
I have noticed a real tendency to form a phalanx and use it to the brutal destruction of those they deem "outside the club". Our sisters of color have long been saying this, too, and it needs to change.
Well done for writing about this, I wish more women would write/talk about it, I think a lot of my male counterparts look at this kind of stuff and just brush it off, as if bs. As an ex-police officer myself I am fully aware that it happens and have seen what it does to women and it isn't right.
I am very sorry this happened to you, but again, well done with talking about it. There needs to be more awareness in talking about it!
Wow, so sorry. That is shocking. Genuinely do not not how you did not retaliate, but also so glad you didn't. I hope they all read this and get the guts to look inside themselves, at the ugliness within, and do some solid inner work instead of dishing all their misery out onto you and your wife. They'd better start digging deep inside and get healing. Big respect to you. May you thrive and be safe.
How someone can call themselves a "feminist" while engaging in the worst behaviours actual feminism seeks to end utterly astounds me. As for the sickening treatment you & your family have & continue to endure I can only hope you all receive all the love & support needed to continue your truly invaluable work. I don't spend a lot of time online so usually miss the pile ons & abuse received by you and other prominent women I follow, if / when I do see it I do question the behaviour, but gently - I learned quickly the pile on rapidly comes at me! Haters gonna hate.
Thank you for sharing your testimony. As a serious Christian and a feminist writing about how people have twisted the Bible to enable abusers and oppress victims (most of whom are women and children), I have experienced similar toxicity from those who “ought” to be my allies.
But what I’ve experienced pales in comparison to the level of toxicity you’ve experienced.
I think this part of your post really sums up my attitude, and yours:
“I will always centre women and girls in my work because they deserve someone authentic fighting their corner against pathologisation, victim blaming and violence - but this sector is toxic. This sector is dangerous.
“How can an anti-VAWG sector be so violent and abusive to women within it? I am not the first and I will not be the last woman targeted in this way, or by these individuals. One day it will be another woman, then another, then another.”
Whenever I come across heart-breaking horrific lived experiences, I am always reminded of the vicious annihilating attack that was levelled at Dr Ignaz Semmelweis, who dared to suggest that a simple hygienic practice of washing hands between patients would reduce the rate of postpartum deaths in women. There'll never be a cure for the sincerely ignorant, the conscientiously stupid, or the sheer banality of human evil. In 2024 may those who have stalked you experience the life-changing transition from freedom to incarceration.
Thank you for your lesbianism. I don't usually have time for you people; but you are helping to put an end to intercurse between men & women, which is now a core part of my ideology.
I am so incredibly sorry that you have gone through this, it is beyond words how unacceptable this is! Well done for sharing your story, you're proving by your endless strength that the people trying to tear you down are already beneath you!
I am in the process of putting myself back together after narcassistic abuse from multiple sources and lately from an equally toxic neighbour. I recently wrote a blog post on Wordpress, highlighting just how evil the human race has become. I'm under no illusions that this evil has always existed. Though, it seems to be acceptable, even expected that people, not just feminists, but everyone can be the worst version of themselves both online and off without consequence. People don't seem to have the filter in their brain that tells them they shouldn't say something, they don't feel bad about being nasty to people but worst of all, they can't seem to let other people live their lives. They must comment or get involved in something that they don't like, in favour of just walking away.
I wonder and genuinely despair about the fate of the human race now that we seem to be hurtling down into an abusive society at breakneck speed.
I truly hope that you are your family can find some peace!
I admire you and our wife for the way you have confronted and survived such vitriolic abuse from women who should have supported you. It beggars belief the way you have been treated. Sadly, I have to say I’m shocked but not completely surprised, having had my own experience with so-called feminists who were just plain nasty and cruel women. Yet another case of the gap between the espoused theory and the practice! Wishing you both all the very best for your future.
I’m truly sorry you and Jaimi have experienced such hatred from the very people who should be celebrating you. To be stalked and harassed, lied about and threatened, it’s appalling behaviour. Beyond comprehension. Women need to be supporting women, instead of turning on each other.
I’m curious. Why do you think these feminists are using misogynistic behaviour? What’s going on?
I’m wanting to study feminism via womens studies at university hopefully this year. I hope the sisterhood is kind to me as I get to understand female history better.
Such an awful experience; thanks for sharing. I have been increasingly concerned about this happening, I’ve had to block others who attack …. nothing to the extent of what you have experienced though. So sorry. Super grateful for your work… keep going…. Safety first as always.
Hi, having read this I just wanted to apologise to you. I followed Sally on twitter and believed what she said about you when I should have realised her fixation on you was obsessive and unhealthy. I don't agree with your beliefs re: trauma and mental illness diagnosis but no one deserves to be treated like you have, especially by other women. I wasn't aware of the scale of the abuse, or that your sexuality was being questioned which as a lesbian who previously dated men I identify with. I hope it lessens and that you and your wife can find peace.
You're right about the fact that feminists should absolutely not be attacking other feminists/women.
Its exactly the opposite of what we stand for as a collective and I'm sorry you've been through all of this.
I'm a bit on the fence about some of your work because of what I have read from others, but reading this makes me think I need to look into this a little more, to make up my own mind.
Am so gutted that you, Jamie , the kids and your families have had to experience this. Sadly you have joined the group of women who know that they cant always rely on other women. Really fucking sucks
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and I'm so glad you're sharing your story. I have been really sad to find that the people who harass me most online aren't men or incels. They're other "feminists." I haven't experienced this degree of stalking, and am so glad I haven't (and so sad you have), but it's really shocking to me what sets people off.
I'm grateful for you, and for your work, and grateful that you have persevered.
I have followed you for years and thoroughly enjoyed the two books of yours I have read! Sometimes, I don’t have the energy but since you are my girl I had to comment. :)
Not only is your very real-lived experience disappointing but also disparaging. This level of violence is unacceptable. Literally it is mental, emotional psychological violence and when the mind suffers the body cries out! Unfortunately, or fortunately depends on how you look at it since its origin feminism has been fragmented. In America in the 21st century they claim, feminism is no longer a curse word in Black America. I know from what I have read globally, feminism (w.s) has never been one big unified ‘groupthink’ tank. Feminism has created sub sets, groups, organizations and waves with different motives and agendas, AERA, NWSA, AWSA, NAWSA, NOW, NYRW, CWLU (listen don’t quote me ;)). It does however seem we have gone to dangerous NEW lows case in point your experiences here. Lately, online I have read so many women saying, they are turning away from feminism because of non female centered behavior. Although I must admit that can happen very easily when asking women to question their androcentric mindset. But this happened in first and second wave feminism as well. I believe Paula Caplan, or was it Phyllis Chesler that had a similar experience in their advocacy for placing the spotlight on male violence. That ignited one of her books called, Womans Inhumanity to other Women or Barriers Between Women (PC). In other books I’ve read they hated when, ‘some’ feminist got too much of the spotlight (case in point here AGAIN).
Misogyny is the oldest religion, the tide that is the hardest to turn and fight. Women internalized every last doctrine. There is always that dual consciousness, or better yet triple consciousness. But as a Michele Wallace stated, Feminism gave her what she needed to be able to properly encompass and analyze sex class consciousness. The way the world worked around her with several labels in a sexist, capitalist, racist culture and society lead her to feminism. The work of feminism although some make it atrocious should never be discredited.
I am proud you are able to still stand tall & strong. You don’t do this for the accolades or them. You do this for you, your family, friends the girls and women that need you and because this is what you were meant to do. And maybe because I am use to being marginalized and stereotyped as an Afro Caribbean feminist we just keep doing what we were born to do. And still we prevail and still we rise.
I have a robust Facebook following, was a radio show host, and have other close friends whose work was/is followed by thousands of people and who were platformed at conferences. One such friend was completely destroyed by the very community who helped to lift her up and for seemingly no reason. The destruction was felt to the core of her family, as angry mobs contacted CPS and police on more than one occasion and other governmental agencies. My friend nearly lost her life to suicide. In my case, I have been bullied online more than I care to articulate, and my peers in the industry of writing and publishing detest me. My work is regularly stolen, plagiarized, and rebranded as belonging to others' before being sold in books with their names on it. The soul-sucking nature of being a writer in the sphere in which I exist is difficult. That said, I have noticed with my friend and others who are dismantled in this way, that there is typically an inextinguishable light the others are raging over. They won't say it, but I still think it's true. I have really enjoyed your series on fame, by the way, and has spoken to the deep places of my soul that have been scarred by the fake friendships and hangers-on. People have no idea of the isolation and smear campaigns and their effect. They think we live a gilded life. My honest opinion here is that they are deeply and incredibly jealous. Y'all are so cute and enviable that I think their heads explode with envy. That is no excuse. I am just saying the work is solid, the success eats at them, and they wish they were you. Point blank. Instead of hating, they need to work on themselves and create something of beauty. All the ugly they attempt to spill on you is really a reflection of them. I am so sorry for all you've gone through, and I can say that at least on some level, I really, truly get it. Wish I didn't, though.
I'm not even famous, and not in the UK, and have been a recipient of all of this too. Thank you for sharing it. I thought I was the only one (as is the nature of relational aggression... and the M.O. of a particular group of "feminists")
I have noticed a real tendency to form a phalanx and use it to the brutal destruction of those they deem "outside the club". Our sisters of color have long been saying this, too, and it needs to change.
Well done for writing about this, I wish more women would write/talk about it, I think a lot of my male counterparts look at this kind of stuff and just brush it off, as if bs. As an ex-police officer myself I am fully aware that it happens and have seen what it does to women and it isn't right.
I am very sorry this happened to you, but again, well done with talking about it. There needs to be more awareness in talking about it!
Wow, so sorry. That is shocking. Genuinely do not not how you did not retaliate, but also so glad you didn't. I hope they all read this and get the guts to look inside themselves, at the ugliness within, and do some solid inner work instead of dishing all their misery out onto you and your wife. They'd better start digging deep inside and get healing. Big respect to you. May you thrive and be safe.
How someone can call themselves a "feminist" while engaging in the worst behaviours actual feminism seeks to end utterly astounds me. As for the sickening treatment you & your family have & continue to endure I can only hope you all receive all the love & support needed to continue your truly invaluable work. I don't spend a lot of time online so usually miss the pile ons & abuse received by you and other prominent women I follow, if / when I do see it I do question the behaviour, but gently - I learned quickly the pile on rapidly comes at me! Haters gonna hate.
Thank you for sharing your testimony. As a serious Christian and a feminist writing about how people have twisted the Bible to enable abusers and oppress victims (most of whom are women and children), I have experienced similar toxicity from those who “ought” to be my allies.
But what I’ve experienced pales in comparison to the level of toxicity you’ve experienced.
I think this part of your post really sums up my attitude, and yours:
“I will always centre women and girls in my work because they deserve someone authentic fighting their corner against pathologisation, victim blaming and violence - but this sector is toxic. This sector is dangerous.
“How can an anti-VAWG sector be so violent and abusive to women within it? I am not the first and I will not be the last woman targeted in this way, or by these individuals. One day it will be another woman, then another, then another.”
Whenever I come across heart-breaking horrific lived experiences, I am always reminded of the vicious annihilating attack that was levelled at Dr Ignaz Semmelweis, who dared to suggest that a simple hygienic practice of washing hands between patients would reduce the rate of postpartum deaths in women. There'll never be a cure for the sincerely ignorant, the conscientiously stupid, or the sheer banality of human evil. In 2024 may those who have stalked you experience the life-changing transition from freedom to incarceration.
Thank you for your lesbianism. I don't usually have time for you people; but you are helping to put an end to intercurse between men & women, which is now a core part of my ideology.
I am so incredibly sorry that you have gone through this, it is beyond words how unacceptable this is! Well done for sharing your story, you're proving by your endless strength that the people trying to tear you down are already beneath you!
I am in the process of putting myself back together after narcassistic abuse from multiple sources and lately from an equally toxic neighbour. I recently wrote a blog post on Wordpress, highlighting just how evil the human race has become. I'm under no illusions that this evil has always existed. Though, it seems to be acceptable, even expected that people, not just feminists, but everyone can be the worst version of themselves both online and off without consequence. People don't seem to have the filter in their brain that tells them they shouldn't say something, they don't feel bad about being nasty to people but worst of all, they can't seem to let other people live their lives. They must comment or get involved in something that they don't like, in favour of just walking away.
I wonder and genuinely despair about the fate of the human race now that we seem to be hurtling down into an abusive society at breakneck speed.
I truly hope that you are your family can find some peace!
I admire you and our wife for the way you have confronted and survived such vitriolic abuse from women who should have supported you. It beggars belief the way you have been treated. Sadly, I have to say I’m shocked but not completely surprised, having had my own experience with so-called feminists who were just plain nasty and cruel women. Yet another case of the gap between the espoused theory and the practice! Wishing you both all the very best for your future.
I’m truly sorry you and Jaimi have experienced such hatred from the very people who should be celebrating you. To be stalked and harassed, lied about and threatened, it’s appalling behaviour. Beyond comprehension. Women need to be supporting women, instead of turning on each other.
I’m curious. Why do you think these feminists are using misogynistic behaviour? What’s going on?
I’m wanting to study feminism via womens studies at university hopefully this year. I hope the sisterhood is kind to me as I get to understand female history better.
Such an awful experience; thanks for sharing. I have been increasingly concerned about this happening, I’ve had to block others who attack …. nothing to the extent of what you have experienced though. So sorry. Super grateful for your work… keep going…. Safety first as always.
Hi, having read this I just wanted to apologise to you. I followed Sally on twitter and believed what she said about you when I should have realised her fixation on you was obsessive and unhealthy. I don't agree with your beliefs re: trauma and mental illness diagnosis but no one deserves to be treated like you have, especially by other women. I wasn't aware of the scale of the abuse, or that your sexuality was being questioned which as a lesbian who previously dated men I identify with. I hope it lessens and that you and your wife can find peace.
You're right about the fact that feminists should absolutely not be attacking other feminists/women.
Its exactly the opposite of what we stand for as a collective and I'm sorry you've been through all of this.
I'm a bit on the fence about some of your work because of what I have read from others, but reading this makes me think I need to look into this a little more, to make up my own mind.
Nobody should ever have to experience this. Ever.
Am so gutted that you, Jamie , the kids and your families have had to experience this. Sadly you have joined the group of women who know that they cant always rely on other women. Really fucking sucks