Thanks for sharing this Jess. It is so hard to be tied to the other parent until your youngest child is 18- despite child support not being paid. I was determined that my children be allowed to make their own minds up about my ex/their Dad and keep their illusions about him for as long as they needed to. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to control himself and would alienate them himself in time.
It’s never what we wanted for our children, but facing that it is a reality and seeking to counterbalance that is so important. Fortunately my children were all very small, 7, 4 and newborn when I escaped but still there are things that I wish that the eldest hadn’t seen and remembered . Accepting that ‘it is what it is’ and acting to protect them and provide a secure base with at least one parent who takes accountability is so important. The reward/payoff is to have healthy, well rounded adult offspring who engage in healthy relationships and are able to build their own strong families xx
I’ve been parenting with an abuser for over 17 years now. Everything you have said makes perfect sense and makes me feel less alone in what I’m experiencing. Thankfully I’m now divorced but the post separation abuse continues. Your words are a great reminder of how to be the best mum to my teens and to keep slogging through this shit storm. Thank you so very much for sharing your experience, it absolutely helps no end.
Thanks for sharing this Jess, it’s so helpful and informative. I’ll definitely be buying your book in the near future. I’m really looking forward to reading it.
I wish I’d seen this 10yrs ago! Still struggling to accept the coercion and emotional abuse I’ve experienced but the trauma in my boys is evident ( they are with their dad currently while I employ all the things you suggest and rebuild myself (again)). If it helps I’m a medical doctor who didn’t recognise her own aces and adhd until her 30-40’s and looked fantastic on paper and to the academics. my ex husband eventually worked out I was ‘ a chav in doctors clothing’ his words not mine. I’d say I’m a human journeying through life and there’s been a lot of heartbreak but also a lot of adventure. Would be great to chat if you wanted to reach out. Dr. Liz xx
This is excellent information, thanks for sharing!! I’ll be sharing with my social work clients and friends as this is a great resource, well written and clear advice for difficult situations 🫶🏼
Thanks for sharing this Jess. It is so hard to be tied to the other parent until your youngest child is 18- despite child support not being paid. I was determined that my children be allowed to make their own minds up about my ex/their Dad and keep their illusions about him for as long as they needed to. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to control himself and would alienate them himself in time.
It’s never what we wanted for our children, but facing that it is a reality and seeking to counterbalance that is so important. Fortunately my children were all very small, 7, 4 and newborn when I escaped but still there are things that I wish that the eldest hadn’t seen and remembered . Accepting that ‘it is what it is’ and acting to protect them and provide a secure base with at least one parent who takes accountability is so important. The reward/payoff is to have healthy, well rounded adult offspring who engage in healthy relationships and are able to build their own strong families xx
I’ve been parenting with an abuser for over 17 years now. Everything you have said makes perfect sense and makes me feel less alone in what I’m experiencing. Thankfully I’m now divorced but the post separation abuse continues. Your words are a great reminder of how to be the best mum to my teens and to keep slogging through this shit storm. Thank you so very much for sharing your experience, it absolutely helps no end.
Thanks for sharing this Jess, it’s so helpful and informative. I’ll definitely be buying your book in the near future. I’m really looking forward to reading it.
I wish I’d seen this 10yrs ago! Still struggling to accept the coercion and emotional abuse I’ve experienced but the trauma in my boys is evident ( they are with their dad currently while I employ all the things you suggest and rebuild myself (again)). If it helps I’m a medical doctor who didn’t recognise her own aces and adhd until her 30-40’s and looked fantastic on paper and to the academics. my ex husband eventually worked out I was ‘ a chav in doctors clothing’ his words not mine. I’d say I’m a human journeying through life and there’s been a lot of heartbreak but also a lot of adventure. Would be great to chat if you wanted to reach out. Dr. Liz xx
This is excellent information, thanks for sharing!! I’ll be sharing with my social work clients and friends as this is a great resource, well written and clear advice for difficult situations 🫶🏼
i often say these past 8 years of "leaving" the abuser are a nightmare i could have never even known to have.
♥️🕊️♥️